Ok…I kind of cheated and skipped a day in the 30 days of NaPoWriMo. I really didn’t mean to but I was sooooo in my feelings yesterday that I couldn’t bring myself to post a poem. I knew I would just drain all my energy by posting some sappy love poem. I just didn’t want to bring my mood down any further. But the show must go on…so this is the 2nd poem I am posting today to make up for yesterday..
Oh its kind of old but..who cares
Chicks hatin on me..duplicating my style..emulating me
Don’t let these Gucci shades fool you sista girl
These same shades hide the eyes that guides the path down to my soul
where you’ll find my own insecurities.
I used to pretend to be someone I was not
only not to be forgotten by the ones I admired so much
Now my eyes are open wide shut
while I sit blinded by the smoke that fills the room
that I sit in trying to find myself
by day I’m super mom, super employee, super sister and super friend
but by night, I’m super lonely
trying to sort through my problems within.
I hide behind my natural appearance.
The $4000 smile I wear plastered on a face that’s exfoliated daily
is only a facade
For if the face showed what the heart really felt
it wouldn’t be pretty at all.
so instead of you seeing the real me
I exude confidence
sporting my natural fro
my face holds a natural glow
and I’m juicy from my lips to my baby toe
And while Cash Rules Everything Around Me
I strut through the airport pulling my Gucci luggage
boarding a plane to an illusion.
I step outside myself to become someone else
as this saga continues..it gets more confusing
I watch you as you watch me
but your perception is unparallelled to my reality.
July 18, 2005
This poem was written at a time when I was pretending..in all hindsight. Many people (as they still do) don’t understand that despite the fact that I appear to have it all together, much of it is still a facade. The true representation of me as a person…as a woman can only be evaluated with direct interactions with me. The me you see as a passerby is not the ME my friends know. Nor is it the same me you’ll see in our intimate moments. I may look like I have it ALL together and ALL figured out but at the end of the day..I take my makeup off. In the mornings I am no different….I put my panties on 1 leg at a time. I get emotional. I breakdown. I laugh and cry (sometimes at the same damn time). I fuss and (close your ears mom) cuss when I’m angry. I speak with my hands when I am passionate about something. If I love you..I mean LOVE you..LOVE you..then I love hard. These are the ends and outs of me. So don’t let one experience with me determine that you KNOW me. Truthfully, I’m layered.