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Bad Girl

Ok…I kind of cheated and skipped a day in the 30 days of NaPoWriMo.  I really didn’t mean to but I was sooooo in my feelings yesterday that I couldn’t bring myself to post a poem.  I knew I would just drain all my energy by posting some sappy love poem.  I just didn’t want to bring my mood down any further.  But the show must go on…so this is the 2nd poem I am posting today to make up for yesterday..

Oh its kind of old but..who cares

Chicks hatin on me..duplicating my style..emulating me

Don’t let these Gucci shades fool you sista girl

These same shades hide the eyes that guides the path down to my soul

where you’ll find my own insecurities.

I used to pretend to be someone I was not

only not to be forgotten by the ones I admired so much

Now my eyes are open wide shut

while I sit blinded by the smoke that fills the room

that I sit in trying to find myself

by day I’m super mom, super employee, super sister and super friend

but by night, I’m super lonely

trying to sort through my problems within.

I hide behind my natural appearance.

The $4000 smile I wear plastered on a face that’s exfoliated daily

is only a facade

For if the face showed what the heart really felt

it wouldn’t be pretty at all.

so instead of you seeing the real me

I exude confidence

sporting my natural fro

my face holds a natural glow

and I’m juicy from my lips to my baby toe

And while Cash Rules Everything Around Me

I strut through the airport pulling my Gucci luggage

boarding a plane to an illusion.

I step outside myself to become someone else

as this saga continues..it gets more confusing

I watch you as you watch me

but your perception is unparallelled to my reality.

 

Chada Boom

July 18, 2005

 

This poem was written at a time when I was pretending..in all hindsight.  Many people (as they still do) don’t understand that despite the fact that I appear to have it all together, much of it is still a facade.  The true representation of me as a person…as a woman can only be evaluated with direct interactions with me.  The me you see as a passerby is not the ME my friends know.  Nor is it the same me you’ll see in our intimate moments.  I may look like I have it ALL together and ALL figured out but at the end of the day..I take my makeup off.  In the mornings I am no different….I put my panties on 1 leg at a time.  I get emotional.  I breakdown.  I laugh and cry (sometimes at the same damn time).  I fuss and (close your ears mom) cuss when I’m angry.  I speak with my hands when I am passionate about something.  If I love you..I mean LOVE you..LOVE you..then I love hard.  These are the ends and outs of me.  So don’t let one experience with me determine that you KNOW me.  Truthfully, I’m layered. 

Peace